...And Other Such Nonsense

And the ridiculousness continues.  I haven’t written because I’ve had no dates and no progress.  In the meantime, I’ve been keeping a list of the shocking, silly, and stupid that ensues.  

Other than creating a user name for yourself, you are also supposed to come up with a catchy ‘headline’ that posts next to your picture.  Mine used to be a line from one of my favorite songs (shout out to J5), but I decided to try an experiment within my experiment.  I changed my headline to read, “Do you believe that opposites attract?”  My thought process was twofold.  1)  I was attempting to do a survey to find out what guys think about this.  I disagree with the statement, but I think it’s an interesting debate.  2)  It gives guys a better opening to send an email.  Instead of just saying “Hey what’s up?” they can answer my question and start a conversation that way.  So much for that idea.  I got one, only one, actual response to it.  The email comes in from Prince4U, and says, “OMG yes!!!  I totally do!!!”   Oh dear.  Cue Obama.  It’s time for another change… 

The opposite sex isn’t exactly brilliant when it comes to headline selection either.  Some don’t even make an effort.  I’ve seen “…”   or just “J”   One guy even wrote the word “Blah.”  I saw one that said “yada, yada, yada,” but at least he was trying to be funny with the Seinfeld reference.  Another guy said, “Not sure what I’m looking for.”  Uh – good luck with that, buddy.  You should probably figure that out before you pay to go through this selection process.  But my favorite, by far, was this headline:  “I piss excellence.  It’s just what I do.”   That’s… disturbing.  I found out after the fact that it’s a quote from Talladega Nights, but still…    

To all of the pet owners out there, I totally respect what you do.  Clearly you have some sense of responsibility, and can care for another living thing.  That gives you a pretty big head start compared to some of your Peter Pan syndrome competition, as far as I’m concerned.  But when 16 of your 20 pictures on your dating website are of your dog, I’m… a little concerned.   Which one of you do you want me to sleep with, exactly?     

I had one legitimate prospect about a week ago.  He emailed and asked if he could call me.  I said sure, and gave him my number.  No call, no text, no email response.  I’m sorry, why did you ask for my number?? 

I found a profile that included the statement, “I like catching fireflies and stopping to smell the flowers.”  I kept reading hoping that I’d see the word “Comedian” next to his occupation.  Nope.

Another headline reads, verbatim, “Hoping there is still some good girls out there.”  Well, Webster, I’m sure she’s out their, and you’ll find her wear you least expect it.   ;)

One last friendly reminder:  If you are more than 10 years older than me, live in another state, and already have children, stop emailing me!!!

I’m going to be single forever.