Exit Strategy

Note to self:  Always have an exit strategy.

I am, admittedly, a skeptical single girl.  But that doesn't mean I don't still have hope. It doesn't mean I'm not excited about the possibility of meeting someone new. The few dates I've gone on from the website were mainly out of curiosity.  What's out there?  Will this guy actually look like he does in his pictures?  Will he be as funny as the witty profile he may or may not have written himself?  Maybe he'll just be a cool guy and we'll have a good time.  And we'll end up being friends.  And he'll have cute friends.  Or something.  The point is - I'm trying to be open and put myself out there.  My friends have even started telling me, "just go out with him so you have something to write about." Which I want to agree with, except....

"i noticed u were one of my matches and your pic really caught my eye. you are very attractive. how is it that u are single ?? seems like u would get lots of attention from guys. we should def get to know eachother. let me know if u are interested. hope to hear from u again soon, hun."

1) I am single for the same reason(s) every other girl on this website is single. Please refer to It's Far From Over
2) Yes, tons of attention. From guys that use the word "def" and have a problem spelling out the word "you."  And use words of endearment when writing to someone you've never met or communicated with before.  Ever.
3) I would bet my manduka that you copy and paste that intro email to every girl you write to.  Lame.

"Hi, I will like to talk to you and know you, please let me know if that is ok for you."


"You realize you're supposed to play hard to get *after* we meet, not before silly... email me slowpoke. lol :)

I DIDN'T WINK BACK AT YOU ON AN ONLINE DATING FORUM. I AM NOT PLAYING HARD TO GET YOU MORON I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU.  Perhaps I should meet this one just to, um, respond to his email.  Except the entire date would be 30 seconds long.  I’d yell at him using the previous shouty-capital statement, and then what?  I’d need an exit strategy or it would be really awkward, right?

My best friend recently got married.  It was a beautiful, perfect, flawless, fun, amazing event.  At the reception I got to meet the girl responsible for setting up the bride and groom on their first blind date.  Naturally I told her I was next.  She immediately pulls out her phone and scrolls through her Facebook friends to look for prospects.  She finds one pretty quickly, but he doesn't have many up close pictures available.  They are doing some kind of pub crawl in 2 weeks and she tells me I should come and he's really great and it will be fun.  Ok, I'm in.  Why not?

So Saturday night I show up to meet this girl and her party.  She introduces me to "Billy" and within 3 seconds I know it's not going any further.  But that’s fine; I can still have a conversation with the guy right?  Usually I can at least default to talking about sports.  ...Unless the guy doesn't like sports?  Like any of them.  Like at all.  Which I find odd.  So we proceeded to have the standard, cliché "where are you from, what do you do" chat.  Boring.  Uneventful.  And getting more awkward by the second. Our matchmaker had obviously told both of us this was some kind of set up and it was becoming blatantly apparent we weren't connecting, which resulted in the awkward silence that makes dating so unappealing.  And also something that is hard to accomplish in a crowded bar that’s playing music.  I want to get out, but I don't want to be rude to our matchmaker friend.  He finally relieves me by saying, "Ya know - I think we'd be good friends."  While I give him credit for addressing the fact that we don't like each other, I was so tempted to say "Really? What makes you think that?" But instead I smile and try to make it funny and tell him this was like speed dating but without the option of jumping to the next chair in 60 seconds.  At this point the matchmaker is nowhere in sight.  I shake his hand, tell him to have a good night, and exit faster than LeBron ripped off his Cavs jersey after the infamous game 6 in Boston.

Yeah... I'm going to be single forever.