False Advertising

Good Lord my eyes hurt from rolling them so much.  Three days in, and this has been exactly what I expected it to be - absolutely comical. 

I'll start today's post by sharing a few things I've learned so far.  I  have to admit I'm a sucker for a guy in a hat.  Baseball hats, skull caps, even those old school newsboy hats.  So I'm drawn to pictures of men wearing them.  But guess what it means when a guy is wearing a hat in 7 of his 8 pictures?  Yup, he's bald.  Or at least balding.  Ugh, false advertising.  I do actually have a lot of male friends who are bald, and some of them are pretty good-looking.  I personally am not attracted to that style though.  It's also not my style to date a guy with kids, which I clearly indicated in my preferences.  But these clever Decepticons have figured out that they can just put "no answer" to the profile question asking if they have children, and then still be matched with girls who say they're not interested in that.  Um, I hate to break it to you guys, but we're on to your evasive tactic.  Why not just be honest upfront?  Do you plan to hide your kids forever?  Are you embarrassed by the fact that you have them?  That's not exactly cool either. 

And WHAT, what what what on Earth makes you think that taking a picture of yourself on your iphone in the bathroom mirror with your shirt off is attractive!?  I am SHOCKED by how many guys actually do this.  1) It's creepy.  2) Don't you have any friends that would take the picture for you?  3) If you really feel the need to show some skin, don't you already have a picture from the beach, the pool, or from doing some kind of physical activity in which you have your shirt off that you could use?  I find this disturbing.  I also find the lack of originality and creativity disturbing.  800,000 men out there, and they are all looking for "a nice, laid back girl who likes to have fun and who they can have a conversation with."  Way to be specific.  And please, if that was really all you were looking for we wouldn't need to post pictures!  The most entertaining profile I've seen by far was written by a good friend of mine who also happens to be on the same site, and who totally called me out when he came across my picture.  Unfortunately we've both realized we're better off as just friends, but who wouldn't be intrigued by a guy who comes right out and says, "I have no shame, I wear spandex on the weekends for fun, and my best friend is Burt Reynolds because we can grow the same moustache?"  Come on... that's funny.

Thanks for making me laugh, A.P., but I'm going to be single forever...