I am still trying to figure out the method to the madness as far as how this website uses filters. When you sign up you have the ability to enter certain criteria. So naturally I filtered out all the smokers, men with kids, anyone without a picture, those outside of my min/max age range, guys that don’t have high school diplomas, etc. What I don’t understand is – the 45 year old divorcee’s with 2 kids still show up in my matches. And this guy shows up on a daily basis: (photo removed)

So, where does the filter come in?
As far as I can tell, the only way it ‘filters’ anything is by providing two inboxes. You have a regular inbox and then a separate ‘filtered mail’ box. Any email received from someone who doesn’t meet your criteria will just go in the latter. But you can still see it, and open it, and respond to it. So… not really sure what the point is. But the point of this post is that I checked my filtered mail out of curiosity and came across a guy who is actually pretty good looking. Hmm. Why is he filtered? Oh- the cats. I must have selected to filter out guys with cats. At least he admits to having them. And I’ve gotten past that before, so what the heck. Let’s email Filtered Guy back. Here is most of the email exchange:

FG: Good Morning, Health, fitness, and home cooking are definitely on the top of my must have list too. :-) What's your profession?

TPB: hopefully my answer to 'what is your profession' is a lot more interesting in 2 years ;) i'm working on changing it. but for the time being its a stuffy, corporate job. i think its awesome that you are working on your own business and following whatever your passion is. thats so important. what kind of fitness things are you in to?

FG: Hi (insert name here)
For fitness I'm a regular gym goer. 4-5 days a week of weights and cardio keeps me feeling good. :-) What do you do to keep buff? What is this new field you are getting into for work? I definitely agree that it's important to chase dreams.

TPB: oops, sorry. i forget that match isn't like facebook and unless you actually sign your name people don't know it.  what gym do you go to?  i noticed you live 40 minutes from the city. do you ever hang out closer to downtown? i used to do the gym/weights/trainer thing but it got boring and not very much fun. so now i run and go to yoga.  i'd do it every day if i could.  future profession is in the field of marriage and family therapy. my brother likes to tell me "those who can't do - teach" ;) such a comedian, that kid... so how long have you been attempting this? any funny dating stories?  -tpb

FG: Hi TPB! ;-)
 LOL Facebook is truly rewiring our brains, isn't it. I would love to get into yoga but can't seem to get myself to go alone. I know what you mean about weights getting boring, so I change up what I do every month or two to keep things new. I don't get to the city too often but I'm not opposed to it. I have met a few decent women online, but just not the right ones. I'm not ready to admit how long I have tried online dating to you, nor myself. :-) Why is it so hard to find a well balanced, attractive, healthy, funny woman (below 5'6") lol.. Well I like what I see so far with you. Why don't we grab a drink and see which one of us is funnier?

TPB: agreed. i have to visit family this weekend, so maybe the following week/weekend?  and i will answer your question with a question:
 why is it so hard to find a well balanced, attractive, healthy, funny guy - above 5'6"?
 i think if i win this comedy competition then you should come to yoga with me. and you can laugh at me while i attempt to stand on my head. and then we'll be even. deal? ;)

I hit send, smiled to myself and thought, “Ha, I’m so creative and witty.”

Um, have I mentioned that I’m not perfect?
In my yogic quest for self-awareness, one of the things I’ve learned is that sometimes I have no filter.  I’m sarcastic, occasionally to a fault.  Oops.  After I hit send on my email, I went back to look at Filtered Guy’s profile to copy/email some pictures to my friends.  Where, to my horror, I see the actual reason his email was sent to my filtered mailbox:

Height: 5’6”
(Which we know is Online-Dating-Code for 5’4”).


The next day I am expecting either a “Go F*** Yourself” email or to never hear from him again. Which I would 100% deserve.
However, I wake up to the following message in my inbox:

FG: Above 5'6"?? Only with my shoes on hehe ;-) I think I may let you win just to see you stand on your head, so deal ;-) If you're not too busy this wed night actually I'm free.. otherwise we can figure something out when you return.

Oh wow. I’m actually going to have to meet this guy.  This short, cat-owning, emoticon-abusing, possibly platform-wearing guy.  .  Preparing Exit Strategy.

I’m going to be single forever.