For the past 3 months, I had been getting almost daily emails from the website enticing me to come back.  For example:

"15 men checked you out this week!"

"He's interested in you! Enroll now to find out who!"

"He emailed you! Click here to read his email"

"Someone likes your photo!"

My, aren't I the popular one…   It's funny though - now that I've been back on the site for a week this onslaught of admirers seems to have disappeared. Houdini'd, if you will.

Seriously this whole entire thing is a scam.  You can see a running list of anyone who's viewed your profile, and it appears that the same guys keep checking me out on a daily basis.  Oh, and 14 of the 15 are the same ones that have been on the site since I started 6 months ago.  I did have a few new winks that looked interesting so I winked back, but nothing further from these guys.  What happened to them?  Their membership expired?  They found someone? The shady website 'accidentally' winked for them to make me think there are more available men in existence than there really are?

Not responding to a wink on an internet-dating website is one thing, but houdini-ing in real life is completely different.  And completely messed up.  And it happens all the time.  Consider this scenario.  Boy meets girl.  Boy and girl start texting.  Every day.  All day.  With emoticons and LOL's.  Girl is giddy.  Boy and girl go on a date. More texting.  Girl really, really likes him.  Boy and girl go on a few more dates.  Girl is smitten.  More texting, maybe it even gets suggestive.  Girl is falling.  Then they sleep together, or in some cases maybe it doesn’t even go that far.  But then he doesn't text the next day.  She keeps looking at her phone like it's broken.  She finally texts him.  No response.  If she's a little more intense, maybe she texts and calls like 6 more times.  Which she has every right to do, but you know how this story ends.

I just don't get it.  You know that everyone - everyone - has their phone on them at all times.  I'm pretty sure its even acceptable now to have it out on the table during dinner.  Maybe there are a few professionals who can't respond immediately (like when they're performing surgery or running up and down a basketball court or something), but you’re already aware of those constraints.  When a guy doesn't respond to a text, it's intentional.  Fine, we get it.  But that’s not  nice.  Would it be that hard for you to just send one last goodbye text (or, gasp, pick up the phone?) just to say, "hey I'm sorry I thought this might work but it's just not going to."  It's sooo easy for you to text obsessively when you first meet someone and be all cute with your  :P and  ;) faces.  And you have the balls to start sending texts like "I can't wait to  <insert dirty phrase>" when you think she's finally going to let you get in her pants.  But when you want to end it, instead of typing one last impersonal text, you just disappear.  You vanish in to thin air like Keyser Soze.  And like that…. you're gone.  And she has no idea why.  So she starts texting you obsessively, and calling, and emailing, and Facebook stalking.  And then you say, "man this chick is crazy."

…Well I wonder why, idiot!   I'm not saying you have to give her some long-winded sentimental speech about why you're just-not-that-in-to-her.  (Although you should).  All I'm saying is that if you were just honest, just once, from the beginning, you'd spare both parties involved more of the headache and/or heartache that ensues.  We hated Aiden for breaking up with Carrie on a post-it, but at least she wasn't calling hospitals and jails like a crazy person thinking there could be one last possible explanation for a disappearing act.

What was it that I started talking about?  Oh yes - my admirers that have houdini'd. Which reminds me:

I'm going to be single forever.