Thanks for the inspiration, Rihanna. I love your music.
I just received one of the most flattering emails yet:
“Hi. I’m not sure if I’m even your type, but I had to email you just because you have the greatest user name I have seen. I don't smoke, I love sports, particularly football, and I am a great cook. Hope to hear back from you because I think we could have a lot of fun.”
Why thank you, DiverMan07. No, you’re not my type. But I appreciate you appreciating my sports reference. Creating a user name was a challenge. I couldn’t exactly call myself “PerpetualBachelorette” or “OnlineSkeptic” or “Dater-Hater.” And the things my friends suggested just sounded too cheesy for me. I wouldn’t call myself “RunnerGirl” or “YogaChick” or “Wineaholic.” Those things may or may not be true… I just wouldn’t refer to myself that way. So I finally came up with something I was ok with. Something feminine and fun, mixed with a little sports jargon. I thought this was strategic because it had a double motive. I was putting myself out there as a girl who likes sports, but also trying to weed out the guys who don’t. A guy who didn’t truly like sports would have no idea what my name meant, and therefore be less likely to contact me. I explained this to my brother who of course says, “You are so picky!” Duh. I’m on a dating website that allows you to narrow your search criteria down to a non-smoking, Catholic, green-eyed, 5’10” polo player who majored in Journalism. I believe the idea here is to be selective. And to clarify - I am not saying there is anything wrong with guys who don’t like sports. I just know that my future-other-half is not among them.
And speaking of names, I’m getting a little concerned about White Belt Guy. I do feel like the date went better than expected. I agreed to a second. But since then, we’ve been communicating via text because I’m out of town. He already tried to refer to me as “Princess,” and I immediately responded with a smartass comment. One of the texts I got from him the day following the date addressed me as “Hun.” Uh… no. The day after that we were discussing the fact that I had been out drinking most of the day, and he writes “A little Tiny-Tot like you should be careful!” A little….. What? This is not acceptable. For the love of G0d can you talk (or write) like a straight, adult man!? You’re ruining it!! And after meeting me and talking to me for over 2 hours, do I strike you as the type of woman who responds well to pet names? Last night he texted me to say “Have a safe trip, sexy.” Sigh. I give up. So I responded and wrote, “Thanks. Have a great weekend, homey.”
I’m going to be single forever.