Pants On Fire

And not in the good way.  Unfortunately.  I knew Mr. Worldwide sounded too good to be true. A friend of mine raises his eyebrows at me in situations like this and just says, “stop being surprised.”

So I had been exchanging emails with this guy while he’s working and vacationing in Europe. Allegedly. He admitted to me that he “chooses to live” with his parents. Who live in Washington. Which is not even in the same time zone as my city. But that it only makes sense because why should he spend money to maintain a place he’s in for one month out of the year? Ok. I suppose I can respect that financial decision. But for now he’s in Armenia, Spain, Poland, etc., and having a blast. As much as I love hearing stories about running with bulls and impending Oktoberfests, I had a more pressing question for Mr. Worldwide…

My last email said: “Theres something I guess I just don’t understand. You’re a 30 year old, single, successful guy running around Europe having experiences of a lifetime. Yet you still actively participate in an online dating site looking for girls in (city where I live), and taking time out of your day to respond, at length, to emails. And this isn’t even your home city. It’s just one you work out of on a regular basis. At this point you can’t even tell me if or when we’d ever actually meet. So…what am I missing?”

His response: “I absolutely would like to meet you. I consider it not a matter of if - but when, which could be a while unfortunately. I'm due back in the States now Nov 16-20, sometime in there. I might come back for a week in October, we'll see what happens...   I understand that there's an edge of "is this guy telling the truth?" The only thing that I'm lying about now is probably my body type. Athletic - true. Tone - I'm off my game a bit I'll admit. Tough to find a good workout here - no gym, poor country, and working 12 hours a day has been an excuse I've too readily accepted... but just recently I have found these stairs that go straight up the side of a mountain. It's an ass kicker. Love it. I run with a couple of "Kiwis" - people from New Zealand in the exploration department here. With all that said - if you wish to see my public side I'll offer up my Facebook. I don't have much to hide so I don't mind. Hope all's well and talk to you soon. Cheers.  –MWW”

So he lives with his parents. And he’s chubby. And I could possibly meet him two months from now…  losing...  interest…  Oh – and you’re wondering if I FB stalked him.  Obviously. He gave me his email address so I looked him up. From the pictures I could see, he appeared to be telling the truth about his traveling. Unless he superimposed himself on some postcards. Which, at this point, would not surprise me. But I found nothing else of interest. Until I signed on the dating website to email him back yesterday.  Where I noticed his profile changed and he is now “looking for women within 30 miles of…  Chicago.” Not where he’s from. Not where I live. Not even in the same time zone. WTF, mate? What, exactly, is the point of lying to someone on an internet dating site to get them to keep talking to you knowing that you have no intention of meeting them? I can't think too much about the possible answers to this question because I might throw up.

I think it was Oprah who said, “we are rarely ever truly surprised in life.” A powerful statement. Well Oprah, I can tell you what I definitely won’t be surprised about…

I’m going to be single forever.