Ladies and gentleman... alert the presses. Send an email. Post it on Facebook. Tweet it. Blog about it. Send a mass text message. Today, we've finally found an honest man!!!
Prospective Bachelor #3,094 writes the following in his "hobbies" section:
Movies, Art, Theater, sex, soccer, lacrosse, family, fishing/crabbing, boating, traveling, gear head.
Well hallelujah! Me too! And I am not referring to lacrosse. (I'm not allowed to play contact sports). When I saw that he included sex as a hobby it occurred to me that that's the first time amidst all of the random, cheesy, off the wall profiles I’ve seen that someone actually admitted to enjoying this as a hobby. I didn't include it in mine because, well, I guess it kind of makes you look bad. Let’s be honest- If a guy sees that a girl writes “sex” as a hobby, he’s going to think either a) jackpot! b) she’s easy, c) her number must be high, and/or d) I’d hook up with her, but never date her. Hmm… I have a major problem with this. That’s not exactly fair, is it? Don’t we ALL like sex? Whether you’ve been with 1 person or 100, everybody does it. It’s just as common as everyone liking movies, isn’t it? Hopefully more so… And whether you do it once a day (lucky you), once a week, or once a month, it’s still something you
So even though #3,094 is 10+ years older than me and has 2 children, I decided to read the rest of his profile anyway. All 710 words of it. Thats more than double the average. But I have to give you bits and pieces of this one because it was pretty entertaining, and I actually think the guy is on to something…
“What I have read about others so far is you write all the good things about yourself. Well I think we all know that no body is that open, nice, adventurous, smart, creative, hard worker, ambitious, etc. So I am going to write all my bad qualities so we can get it over with… My closest friend thinks I am a nut case… I am going bald and have lots of gray hair in places they should not be… My grandmother says I am too skinny... 75% of all my clothes are stained with paints and other liquids... I generally walk around in rags with my butt hanging out and I really don't give a @#@##%... I hate watching American football…”
He lost me with the last comment, but I really liked his thought process. It’s true that everyone starts their profiles by telling you how honest, trustworthy, and wonderfully amazing they are. An internet dating profile is like a first date. Everyone is trying to put their best foot forward, and probably embellishing. At least a little. The website should add a section titled “Things that might bug you about me,” or “Things that drove my ex crazy.” You could admit that you call your mother 3 times a day, sit on the couch in your sweaty gym clothes, or have a tendency to lose your cell phone every weekend because you’ve had one too many Jamesons. Hey, at least it’s already out there.
Last week, I had a few slightly mortifying experiences that occurred as a result of online dating. Humiliation strikes again. Today I opened up my daily matches only to be staring at a photo of my ex boyfriend. I use ‘boyfriend’ for lack of a better word, because he was one of those gray-area situations. He might be the closest thing to real I've ever had though. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed because he’s on here too. He can’t exactly make fun of me for it. But it’s just so not my thing! And now I have to acknowledge it because I know he's seen me and it will make it more weird if I don't say anything. I’ll just have to send him the blog as a form of justification. I think I can do that because we’ve slowly started to become friends - 4 years after the fact. Yes, just what I need. Another male friend.
I’m going to be single forever.