It has been brought to my attention that perhaps I focus too much on the negative. i.e.: This guy has cats, this guy has bad teeth, this guys has kids, etc. I prefer to call it "weeding out," but I understand where the lectures are coming from. I have to tell you though, when I sign on to the website and have pictures like this staring me in the face, the words that come to mind do not include "potential," "promising," or "possibility."
Other immediate turn-offs include the following:
Are you going to want to ride this more than me? Hmmm....
Unless you are at a Texas football game, this is an unnecessary gesture.
Always the fish... I just don’t get it...
This is one of hundreds of examples I had to choose from. Somewhere along the way guys were given the advice that even if you don’t have children of your own, you should put pictures of yourself with other people’s children to make you look more…. I don’t even know… marketable? I find it more disturbing than endearing.
Even Paul Pierce failed to make "Tebow-ing" look cool last week. So I don't mean to sound negative, but what other reaction can you possibly have when these pictures speak louder than words? And you excitedly check your internet-dating email only to find that the lone message in your inbox is from someone who calls himself 'dumbjerk' ?
All of this begs the question - what DO I want? At some point in time every woman asks herself this question; and in the deepest, darkest parts of our souls we know the answer. And everyone's answer is different. Can you imagine if we all wanted the same exact thing? Poor David Beckham would have to live out the rest of his days in some secret undetectable underground lair. I'm kidding. Sort of. I'm sure there are women out there who don't find him to be the most appealing man alive. (To those women… perhaps you did not watch this year's superbowl commercials)
But this is what I find fascinating. Unless you were Posh Spice in a former life, you realize that the expectation of ending up with David Beckham is a bit... far-fetched. However, we still know deep down what it is we really want. What will truly make us happy. Sometimes we don't even admit these things to our friends. Even worse, sometimes we don’t let ourselves accept them. I had a girlfriend tell me once,
"I just would never date a school teacher because they don't make enough money." And ya know what? I admire her for her honesty. Because there are some women who think those things but just won't admit them. And they end up settling. They say things like,
"I want someone who's nice that I can trust who will treat me well…." Blah, blah. Obviously I don’t want to be with a mean person, but nice by itself doesn't give me an orgasm. And on my list of priorities, that’s pretty high up there. Attraction is important. If you are not attracted to your partner, at some point in this lifetime unless you are a hermit you will run in to someone who you are attracted to. Guess what happens then…..?
That may sound shallow to some, but I'm the only person who has to wake up every morning next to the person I choose to be with. I think we all have a right to be picky about that decision. If you're looking for someone who makes 7 figures regardless of how he looks, how old he is, or how many wives he’s gone through, knock yourself out. Maybe you truly only care that someone will be a good dad and you’re willing to be the breadwinner. Maybe you want the most chivalrous person on the planet, a guy with a specific religious orientation, or a military man because the uniform turns you on (and you can use his discounts)… whatever your thing is - I say hold out for it. Don’t settle. But be open-minded. Maybe something totally unexpected will come along. We know Charlotte from SATC wasn’t spending her nights dreaming of a short, fat, bald guy who drips with sweat at inappropriate times. In my dreams I picture myself with a taller guy who has nice teeth and fantastic hands, who likes sports and has a stupid sense of humor, who is willing be my biggest supporter as I attempt to change careers, who can cook (or at least be ok with the fact that I don't). These are all compromise-able things though. And I've met a heck of a lot of guys who are good-on-paper as far as that list. But they're missing that one critical component. The thing I want above all else. Call it butterflies, call it chemistry, call it the X-factor. I guess part of me believes in the cliche saying “you just know.” Looks fade over time, I get that. This is something more. I want to still want to hold my husband's hand when we're 90. When I think of settling just so I can avoid the sleeping-alone nights that suck, my inner goddess (ala Anastasia Steele) screams
"I won't, I won't, I won't!" Even if it means….
I'm going to be single forever.