Thank you, Drake, for the reminder. And for your music, which I am addicted to.
My 3-month Match.com subscription is over. It expired Saturday. (With no warning, btw). Luckily after my last post I decided to send off one last email to Brad (“State”), who may or may not still be active, and may or may not still have my phone number. I probably should have included that in my email… <sigh>. I can’t be expected to think of everything. I’m too scatterbrained right now.
One of the first things my brother www.eatsleepsweat.wordpress.com brought to my attention when I started my blog was that the title wouldn’t make sense once my subscription was over. I have no intention of paying to renew it (*note to J – you might want to check on that because I heard they try to charge your card automatically). But I’m having way too much fun with this – I don’t really want it to be over. And thanks to my friend’s friend “He Who Must Not Be Named,” I already created an OKCupid account. So to keep all of you (and myself) entertained, I’m going to try that one out for a while. This is far from over.
Remember Captain Obvious…? Captain Obvious I guess that’s not over either. He finally called. A month after the fact, but he claims his subscription expired and he just renewed it and my email with my number was the first he saw and he just HAD to call me. Ugh. Stop talking. You’re already turning me off. Don’t worry - I haven’t completely blown him off yet. I’m learning the rules. I have to at least give him a chance. The guy did pass my initial screening…. So we talked again last night to try to set up a date. I asked him how his experience with online dating had gone and asked if he had any funny stories. He said he’s been on the site for 4 months, but hasn’t actually gone a date yet. He talked to a few girls and tried to set things up, but they always “flaked out” at the last minute. Hmm… what did they figure out that I haven't yet?? So then he asked me about my experience, saying something like, “I can’t believe you’re still single. You’re gorgeous and awesome and I don’t understand why someone hasn’t swept you off your feet yet...” <sticking my finger down my throat>. Again, stop talking. So I proceeded to tell him about the 3 dates I had been on from the website. D_Licious, who lied to me. Unacceptable. White Belt Guy, who insisted on using pet names and got defensive when I asked him not to. Also unacceptable. And then Wildcat, who was nice and normal, but neither of us contacted the other after our date because I think we both knew we’d just end up being friends and nothing more. So Captain Obvious tells me he’s intimidated (really??) but hopefully we’ll meet and fall in love. Please. Stop. Talking!!!!! I don’t even know if I can handle meeting this person in person. Just when I’m debating hanging up and and pretending my phone dropped the call, he puts the proverbial nail in the coffin with his next question. “So… why are you single?”
Guys, do me a favor. Don’t, for any reason, in any situation, ever, ever ask this question again. I think Bridget Jones said it best when asked why there are so many unmarried women in their 30′s. “Oh, I don’t know. Suppose it doesn’t help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales.” What kind of answer do you expect to get from this question??? Do you want to know that I’m really picky, and am already thinking that you sound way too whiney and needy for me? Do you want to know that I got myself in to too many ‘friends-with-benefits’ situations so I couldn’t really take them seriously? Do you want to know that the two guys who I’ve been (what I would consider the closest thing) to being in love with broke my heart and left me bitter and skeptical? No. You don’t want to know any of those things. So this conversation is over. And I’ll leave you with my favorite piece of advice from my mother: Don’t ask questions that you don’t really want the answers to.
For example: Am I going to be single forever…?